


I Think This Would Be Easier With The Two Of Us

by New_Blue_Stuff



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Meetings, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, No Character Death, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 19:31:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3781702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/New_Blue_Stuff/pseuds/New_Blue_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan receives another phone call from Chris asking him to come to another party. When he gets to the party he finds that Chris has also rang his friend Phil, who Dan has never met before. The two set out to help Chris and are both shocked by what they discover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Think This Would Be Easier With The Two Of Us

7 missed calls: Chris Kendall  
Dan sighs as he checks his phone. He’d only been away from his phone for a few minutes and now he had all these calls. He picks up the jeans he’d discarded, puts on some socks and finds his converse. He is looking for a shirt when his phone begins to ring. It’s Chris. Dan picks up the phone, presses answer and puts it against his ear.

‘Hello?’

‘DAN! I’M AT THIS REALLY COOL PARTY, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME-’. Dan pulls the phone away from his ear to escape a large booming sound at the other end. He can hear music accompanied with Chris vomiting. He walks to the other side of the room, finds a shirt and puts the phone on loud speaker. He slips the shirt over his shoulders as he asks,

‘Chris, you there?’ His shirt is now on, he picks up the phone and grabs his keys.

‘Yeah, I just went outside, it’s a really cool party, you should totally come’. Dan is about to ask where Chris is when he hears a large snort of laughter followed by giggling. Dan makes his way out of his apartment and down the stairs. Phone now off loud speaker and pressed against his ear.

‘Where are you Chris?’ Chris fumbles out the address three times before Dan gets it down, he finds out it will take over a half hour to get there. He sighs and says he is on his way . He puts Chris on speaker phone. He tries to keep Chris talking. It only lasts about five minutes with the intoxicated Chris on the other end of the line. Chris hangs up after throwing up twice and excitedly screaming at something or someone. Dan isn’t entirely sure.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

It takes even longer than he thought it would take him to get to Chris. He pulls up to a house with purple light streaming, he can hear the lower notes of music. He can smell vomit, alcohol and sweat. Dan is reminded of his university experience. He walks up the pavement and sees the mass of bodies inside the house. He texts Chris asking where he is. It takes Chris seconds to respond.

Chris: wround the bak

Dan walks speedily around the side of the building. On his way around the building he sees one boy spray painting a penis onto a wall. As well as three teens on the roof howling like wolves and a couple going at it in the bathroom. Honestly, in the last few weeks of picking up Chris from party after party, rave after rave, he’s seen worse.  
He finds Chris alone in the back garden. He is laying on his front with his hand dipping in and out of the waters of a swimming pool, he has his head tilted upwards so he can watch it. Dan has a second and then coughs to announce his presence. Chris turns his head to face him. The whites of his eyes are red. Chris then pulls himself up and stumbles over to Dan. Dan thinks that he was trying to give him a hug but he missed and ended up putting his arms around Dan’s waist with his head to the side. In other scenarios the sight of what almost looked like Chris trying to rugby tackle him would make him laugh but today it doesn’t.

‘Dan, you came’ Chris mumbles into Dan’s stomach.

‘Yes, I did. Lets go home’ Dan goes to put his hands underneath Chris’s arms to pull him up but Chris pushes himself away. He returns to the poolside, this time opting to sit with his feet in the pool. He still has his trainers on. Dan curses internally and is about to go pull Chris out of the water when he hears a voice behind him.

‘Chris. Really? Fucking _again?’_ A boy walks past him and stops by the side of the pool, directly above Chris. Dan doesn’t get to look at his face, he can only see that the boy is tall and well proportioned (and maybe has a nice ass). ‘This is like the fifth party you’ve called me from in a fucking month, this has to fucking stop’. Chris turns around and studies the newcomers face for a second. He then suddenly lights with recognition.

‘Phil! You came’ Chris goes to wrap his arms around the newcomer but he steps away.

‘Come on Chris, we’re going home’. Phil goes to do the same thing Dan did. Chris evades this and descends into the pool while fully clothed. He wades to the other side to escape. He then pulls himself onto the side of the pool and sits, staring into the water. Dan walks to the side of the pool and stands nearly shoulder to shoulder with the newcomer. Phil looks over to Dan, he sees a dark brown set of eyes which reminds him of chocolate and dark woods. Dan looks into Phil’s eyes and is reminded of cold winter morning skys and the smell of salt water. They stare at each other for a while until Dan breaks the pairs analysis.

‘Do you know Chris too?’ Dan asks. Phil takes a moment to respond. He is looking at Chris who is again running his fingers back and forth through chlorinated water.

‘Yeah. We were in the same course at uni, he asked me to come to this party so I came to pick him up. You?’ Phil looks at Dan as he asks the last question. Dan turns his gaze to Phil as he answers.

‘We were actually in the same dorm at uni. He asked me to come as well so I came to pick him up. I’ve actually picked him up from quite a few parties over the last month, it sounds like you have too’. Dan turns his attention back to Chris. Phil does the same after sneaking a look at the curve of Dan’s ass, he likes what he sees and answers Dan’s statement.

‘I’ve picked him up from five this month and I picked him up from two at the end of last month. I thought I’d met all his dorm mates?’ Phil eyes Dan suspiciously. Dan sighs and turns his whole body to Phil.

‘I dropped out after a few months. Turned out Law wasn’t for me. If it took you a while to get to know Chris. I was probably already gone.’

Phil nods and is about to ask how many times Dan has picked up Chris. Phil was starting to get concerned when he thought it was just him picking him up, now Dan was in the picture he was beginning to get scared. Instead however Phil hears a splash and feels water on his face. It takes Phil a second to realize that the cause must have been Chris. It takes Phil a few seconds more than that to realize that Chris has sunk to the bottom of the pool and isn’t making an effort to get back up. He swears loudly and jumps into the water behind Chris. He then pulls Chris up so that his head is out of the water and walks him over to the side of the pool. He tries to push Chris up and out of the pool but instead Dan leans over and gently pulls him out. Phil pulls himself out of the water and sees Chris sitting up. He also sees Dan rubbing on Chris’s back whilst he chokes out water. Phil runs over and puts a hand on Chris’s shoulder and looks over at Dan.

‘I think this would be easier with the two of us.’ Dan looks confused ‘I mean getting him back.’ Phil states. Dan nods.

‘Agreed. Let’s get him to my car.’ Phil stands in front of Chris and pulls the now conscious Chris to his feet. The two then both support him while Dan directs them to his car. The party is still raging at full intensity. Phil mentally thanks himself for taking a taxi so he doesn’t have to come back tomorrow.

They manage to get Chris into the back seat. Phil sits in the passenger seat. Chris lies with his eyes closed, trying to go to sleep, trying to feel numb. The last two sentences he hears are,

‘There’s something wrong isn’t there, there’s something wrong with Chris’

‘Yeah Dan, I think there is’

Chris pictures green eyes and laughter. He thinks to himself, if only they knew.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

Dan and Phil manage to get to Chris’s house without him waking up. He wakes up when they reach the house and with Dan’s support, Chris manages to walk in. It is at this point that Dan realizes how cold Chris is, he tells Phil that he’s going to stay and get Chris sorted. Phil decides to do the same. They split the work so Phil goes around the building and picks up bottles of spirits and alcohol strewn around. While Dan picks out clothes for Chris to wear and puts the shower on a reasonable temperature. He intends to strip Chris down to his underwear and let him get on with it. He leaves the door open to make himself seem like less of a pervert.

  
‘Okay Chris, I’ve taken off your jeans and socks and shoes. I’m just going to take off your shirt and then put you in the shower’.

Chris murmurs something. Dan then begins to lift Chris’s shirt. Chris seems to realize at the last second that this is something that shouldn’t happen as he tries to stop Dan. But it is too late, Dan has already seen the cuts that cover Chris’s ribs and hips. Dan feels nothing but guilt. He should have noticed sooner, he should have helped sooner, he should have been a better friend. He looks down at Chris. Chris has never looked more ashamed in his life. He is sitting on his bathroom floor in his boxers, completely damp and with self inflicted cuts. Dan doesn’t know what to do. He helps Chris over to the shower and sits him inside. He allows the stream of hot water to provide Chris with some comfort while he runs to find Phil.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

Phil has a empty bottle of whiskey in his hand and places it in a large bag full of glass when Dan enters the room. Dan is on the verge of tears, Phil puts down the bag and walks over to him.

‘What’s wrong? Is Chris okay?’ He asks with urgency. Dan breaks down and wraps his arms around Phil, pulling him into an embrace. Dan sobs into Phil’s shoulder, Phil asks him again but nearly whispering this time.

‘What’s wrong? Are you okay?’ Dan shakes his his head and then moves so that he can talk.

‘C-C-Chris I-I… He’s been self harming. Somethings fucking wrong Phil and I didn’t notice. Oh God somethings wrong’. Phil feels in this second, two conflicting emotions. He feels guilt. Aswell as the sudden urge to lean forward and kiss Dan. Dan looks so scared and vulnerable in this state, Phil can’t help but want to protect him. He can’t let Dan think this is on him.

“It’s not your fault. Remember that. We can help him now’ Dan nods and Phil breaks the embrace. ‘You carry on cleaning and I’ll get Chris out of the shower. We’ll figure something out afterwards.’ He quickly grabs Dan’s hand and squeezes it. ‘Blaming ourselves will get us nowhere.'

Phil walks out of the room and heads towards Chris, preparing himself for what he may see. Dan stays standing for a second, forces himself to take a deep breath, wipes away his tears and then continues to clean.

  
Phil manages to get Chris out of the shower and into some clean clothes without seeing anything he hadn’t seen before. He saw the cuts and tried to listen to his own advice, this was not his fault, this was no ones fault, helping Chris is all the matters. Phil then got Chris into his bedroom, put him onto his bed and pulled the duvet over him. He made sure that his positioning meant he couldn’t choke on his own vomit. He looked to the side to get the glass left there to fill it with water for the morning, to find that Dan already had. Dan had also left a couple of painkillers and Phil almost smiled. Phil slightly opened the window and double checked Chris, who in this moment is sleeping peacefully. Phil runs a hand over his friends hair, unsure whether it is to comfort his friend or himself and leaves the room.

Phil finds Dan curled in a ball on the wide sofa and sits down next to him. He’s aware that he’s sitting far too close for someone he only met that day, but he can’t find it in himself to care. Dan looks at Phil.

‘You’re staying here tonight right?’ Phil can still see that Dan’s eyes are wet.

‘Yeah’ Phil raises an arm, he puts his hand on the side of Dan’s face and gently wipes the moisture from under his eyes with his thumb. Dan attempts a smile but ends up just twisting the corners of his mouth. He makes no attempt to get away from Phil. ‘I want to be here when he wakes up’ Dan nods once, Phil moves his arm and puts it around Dan, pulling him towards him. Both of them feeling the others warmth.

‘I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep’ Dan says filling silence.

‘Yeah, me neither’ Phil adds. Dan does know that he doesn’t want to sit here and let his thoughts run wild. He needs to preoccupy himself. Dan speaks again.

‘Do you want to watch a movie? Or the TV? We could play games or-’

‘I think I would rather just…get to know you’ Phil interjects.

‘What? Why’ Dan quickly replies.

‘Because I like to know any man I spend the night with’ Phil says, teasingly. Dan doesn’t laugh but does let out a breathe quickly in amusement.

‘Okay then my gentlemen friend. What do you want to know?’

From then on there is no silence. They discuss their favorite colours and foods. Childhood pets, family, friends. They talk about Chris. They decide to talk to him first. If necessary they will tell his parents and hope that they can help him. Their conversation is fluid and almost without structure. Dan and Phil find themselves talking about things they avoid talking about. They find themselves confessing secrets and telling stories normally kept hidden. They almost never stop touching, neither is sure why. It feels natural when Dan presses his lips on Phil’s. It also feels natural when they stop and Phil asks Dan about his favorite coffee type. It feels natural when they laugh at the response.  
Silence only enters the room once more when the pair fall asleep tangled together. Their arms are wrapped around each others arms. Phil’s lips are gently pressed against Dan’s forehead.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

Several things popped into Chris’s head as he woke up. The first was his splitting intense headache. The second was that he was in his bed. The third was how is he in his bed? The fourth is that the curtains are blowing in the wind. The fifth is that the sun is in his eyes. The sixth is that the curtains are blowing in the wind, the window is open. The seventh is that Phil is a predictable bastard and that is the answer to the third. Chris turns to escape from the sunlight and the headache, and maybe a little bit life. He sees a glass of water and quickly notes how dry his throat is, he swiftly chugs the majority of it down. He then spots the painkillers that have been left for him and drinks the remaining water with them. Chris finds this odd, Phil doesn’t normally leave paracetamol, that’s too motherly for him. It’s more Dan’s speed . However Chris isn’t going to moan about it. He swings his legs around and puts them on the ground. He takes a second and stands, moving towards the window to shut out the noise from the outside.

It’s after he closes the window that he realizes he’s in a different set of clothes than the ones he wore out last night. What the fuck? He starts to walk to the bathroom, hoping that he might have left himself clues last night. It’s then that he spots it

Dan and Phil.

Shit.

He called both of them last night. It’s now that he starts to panic. They both know about each other. Shit, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

He then looks at them again and really sees them. They’re still lying next to each other, but both of them have slightly shifted. Phil is now on his back and Dan is curled around him. Phil’s lips however, have not changed position.

They’re fucking cuddling.

Chris isn’t sure what to do. Do they already know eachother? Did they both meet last night? Did Drunk Chris just set up two of his best friends? Have they cleaned? Wait, did they change him last night? Did they see his… Chris cuts his stream of thoughts off with one simple one. I need a drink. A drink will make this all a lot easier to deal with. He’ll be better able to lie about his life, about his torso if they saw it and about everything. He walks silently to the kitchen and goes to the cupboard with his bottles in. Empty. Chris desperately searches neighboring cupboards. Still nothing. Chris, exasperated, slams the door and swears loudly. It then occurs to him why he was being quiet in the first place. He stills himself, and hopes that he didn’t wake them up.

‘Good afternoon Chris and what a lovely morning it was too’. Phil says, a dry sarcastic tone underlies his words. Chris looks up and sees his two friends beginning to un-intertwine themselves. Both sneaking glances at each other as they stretch their muscles.

‘I bet it was a good morning. For the both of you. Inform me, do I need to bleach my settee?’ He fills up the kettle for the three of them. He has to show some kind of normalcy. They need to believe his answers. Chris needs his freedom.

‘To be honest Chris, I think this whole place could use a clean. Not just the settee’ Dan replies.

 _Here we go,_ Chris thinks.

  
‘You’re such a mum Dan. And I’m hearing absolutely no denial of two of my friends, who I didn’t know knew each other, having passionate sofa sex in my home’. Chris leans down to get three cups, even though he doesn’t intend to actually drink anything. He uses this opportunity to perfect his mocking tone.

  
‘We didn’t have sex Chris and we didn’t know each other. Until yesterday, when we both got drunk calls of you.’ Chris winces but recovers speedily. He stands back up and turns his back to his friends. He begins to make coffee.

‘The drunk mind does speak sober truth. Maybe I always knew that you two were destined to sleep on my sofa together. Even though you both have your own apartments, relatively close to here.’ Chris begins to stir liquid. The gently clinking of metal and the nearby road making the only noises to fill the flat. Dan looks at Phil, they keep eye contact for a second and Phil nods.

‘Chris…’ Phil speaks. His tone concerned with an edge of scared. Immediately Chris knows that they saw his stomach. He stands straighter, on impulse and begins to try and distract his friends.

‘I’m not kidding though. I always thought you guys would be great friends. I definitely think you would work as something more than that. You guys do have a lot in common and if you ever run out of things to talk about, you can both just talk about how great I am. You’ll never run out of material.’ Chris quickly rambles on. With every word, Dan’s face falls further. He has placed his hands on the counter side, raising his shoulders. He has not turned to face his friends.

‘Chris. We need to talk.’ Phil grabs Dan’s hand as he says this. It’s only then that Dan sees his face, how his sadness is mirrored there. He squeezes back.

'We don’t need to talk. You want to talk. It’s not the same thing. You both just want to put your minds at rest. Well I can do that’ Chris takes his hands of the counter and faces his friends. He puts the entirety of himself into hoping he can convincingly act. 'I am fine. I can stop, This is nothing’ He smiles at his friends. Dan and Phil look sideways at each other.

'Chris. I know you. This isn’t nothing.’ Dan speaks back, not letting go of Phil’s hand. Dan looks alarmed as Chris laughs.

'Look, haven’t you two bothered me enough already? I’m having a bath. You two should go home. I imagine neither of you got that much sleep.’ Chris smiles and walks out of the room. Dan opens his mouth to stop him but Phil squeezes his hand. Dan looks at Phil, Phil shakes his head. The two hear Chris shut a door. Dan questions angrily.

'Phil, What the hell? He isn’t okay-’

'We’ll come back later. We need back up. He won’t just listen to the both of us.’ Dan takes this in and then nods.

'Okay but who should we get Phil? I don’t know that many of Chris’s friends. Should we call his parents?’ Phil is quick to respond to Dan’s question.

'We shouldn’t call his parents. We need to try and help him first. I know a friend of Chris’s, I’ll text him.’ Dan agrees to this and the two begin to gather themselves. Shouting a goodbye that gets no response from Chris, they leave the apartment.

'Dan, can I have your phone number?’ Phil asks Dan as they walk down to Dan’s car.

'Sure. Give me your phone.’ Phil passes Dan his mobile and Dan starts to input his number. He decides at the last moment to put a heart next to his name. He passes the phone back and as their hands touch the phone lights up. Phil reads his message whilst Dan begins to drive.

'PJ is free later. I haven’t told him what’s been going on, just that it’s urgent. It didn’t feel like text message news’. Phil says. Dan nods in agreement.

'Who’s PJ?’ Dan asks.

'Friend of mine and Chris’s. Same course as us as well.’ Dan nods.'PJ and Chris were always really close, it wouldn’t surprise me if Chris has been calling him as well’

'We’ll ask him later’ Dan replies. The two then continue to drive. PJ said that he needed about an hour to get ready. Dan and Phil decide to split for that hour to take care of themselves. Dan drops Phil outside his flat. With the promise of only waiting sixty minutes, Dan returns to his own home.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

PJ opens the door without a shirt on. Dan isn’t going to pretend he doesn’t enjoy the view. However, he still has the taste of his favorite coffee that Phil bought him in his mouth. He doesn’t feel how he would normally feel towards such an attractive man.

'Can I help you?’ PJ asks with a slightly cocky tone. Dan can tell from the look on PJ’s face that he is used to this kind of reception. Dan can also imagine he gets it frequently if he has a habit of answering the door topless.

'Actually I believe you can’ Phil walks around the corner, saying this as he does so. PJ begins to grin and exclaims Phil’s name.

'Phil! Which I’m guessing makes your mute friend here Dan?’ Dan pulls his best are you fucking kidding face as he answers.

'Not mute. Been talking about me Phillip?’ He turns to Phil as he questions him. Phil winks in response.

'Only the good stuff’ Dan finds himself biting his lip. Phil is staring into Dan’s eyes. Both of them continue to size each other up. PJ raises his eyebrow at this.

'Do the two of you want to stop mentally making out and come in? I was told this was urgent’ PJ says as he turns to walk into his flat. Phil’s face falls and he follows PJ into the building. Dan takes a deep breath and does the same. He closes the door behind him.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

Dan and Phil sit opposite from PJ. The sit closer than necessary. The teasing tone from the hallway has dissolved away. PJ has caught on to this.

'PJ. We need to talk’ PJ nods.

'Phil, what’s wrong?’ PJ has a shirt on now and is leaning forward to listen.

'PJ, it’s Chris…’ PJ’s heart skips a beat. He puts his hands slowly together, as if he were praying Dan notes. The sunlight dims.

'What’s wrong with Chris?’ PJ puts might into not sounding a scared as he is. Phil looks pained so Dan speaks for him.

'He’s been getting drunk a lot recently. A lot.’ From the confused look on PJ’s face, Dan and Phil gather that he has no knowledge of this. Dan continues to speak. 'Phil and I both went to pick him up from another party last night. He didn’t know he had called us both. We didn’t know the other existed. He was in a state and…’

'And what?’ PJ barely whispers out the words.

'He’s been cutting himself.’ Phil finally says. PJ’s green eyes widen.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

PJ doesn’t stick around for an explanation. He almost runs out of his apartment, leaving Dan and Phil behind him. He feels sick. Sick to his core. He thought Chris had been avoiding him. When Chris had been somewhere far worse than PJ was. Chris is somewhere far worse than PJ is.

PJ loves him.

He isn’t sure when it happened. It crept up on him. He was starting to think Chris was catching on, wising up. So he’d let him have his space. But during that time Chris had been…cutting himself? drinking? but why? All PJ knows is that he has to get to Chris. He has to help Chris. He has to help his Chris. Chris. Beautiful, funny Chris. Chris has to be okay, he will be okay. PJ will make sure he is.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

PJ fumbles with the keys to Chris’s flat for a few seconds in his haste. It is now dark outside He opens the door, walks in and slams it behind him. He has to find Chris. He searches the room. Analyzing from left to right. Chris isn’t here. PJ takes a moment to breath and he listens. He hears Chris. Chris is singing. In other scenarios, PJ would have stood there for a minute. PJ would have listened and not told Chris. He would have soaked himself in Chris’s voice. But not today, today he walks swiftly towards the voice.  
Chris is in the bathroom.The sight PJ walks into almost makes him break down and weep. He barely ever cries but tears begin to silently fall from his eyes as he looks at Chris. Chris is sitting on the ground, he leans on the bathtub, his shirt has ridden up. PJ can see every red cut covering him. PJ can also see the three still bleeding ones on his arm. Chris has a small bottle in his arms, it still has the seal on. Chris doesn’t look up. He continues to hum the melody he was singing. He stops abruptly. Everything in the world is still.

'Phil. I told you to fuck off’. Chris raises his hand and moves it to his other hand, blood trickling into his lap as he does this. He breaks the seal of the bottle with on quick movement. He leaves the open bottle in his hand for a moment. While he stares at his own blood trail.

'I’m not Phil’ Chris looks up at the sound of PJ’s voice. A light sparkles in his eyes. The light goes just as quickly as it arrived.

'Peej…’ Chris says softly. PJ can hear the pain he’s in. PJ raises a hand to his mouth feeling tears on his face as he does so. 'No, no, no. Peej, don’t cry’

Chris tries to get up, to put his arms around PJ, to comfort him. The attempted movement only makes him hiss with pain and land back on the ground. PJ stops crying. He grabs a mass of tissues from the side, runs them under the tap and walks to Chris’s side. He kneels down and begins to dab at the three small bleeding cuts. There is an intense look of concentration on PJ’s face. Chris looks at him in awe and Chris is reminded of why. PJ wipes away the blood that is starting to stop flowing. He begins to silently cry again with deep irregular breaths moving his entire body. The bleeding stops. PJ discards the bloody tissues and stays next to Chris, completely still.

Chris raises a blood covered hand. He puts it on PJ’s face in an attempt to comfort him. He takes away the hand when he sees the blood has moved onto PJ’s skin. He opens his mouth to apologize but when he sees PJ’s face, he doesn’t. He expects PJ to shout. To tell him how this is a mistake and he should stop. Chris knows that if he could stop he would. He expects PJ to scream at him, to call him worthless, a waste of space, an attention seeker. He expects anything but what happens.

'I’m so so sorry’ Chris’s eyes widen with shock at PJ’s words. The tears, which have been constantly trickling down PJ’s face, start to stream down. They create little pathways in the drying blood Chris put there. PJ’s breathing becomes even more irregular. His breaths more desperate. 'I should have helped you. I should have been here.’ PJ begins to rock himself backwards and forwards. He has his arms wrapped around himself. 'I shouldn’t have left you.’ Chris looks at the mess PJ is becoming. He feels his heart crack into shards of the shattered pieces it was. He reaches forward and pulls him in for an embrace. Chris expects PJ to push him away. PJ pulls Chris in further, holding him tight in his arms. PJ buries his face in Chris’s shoulder. He continues to sob out apologies. Chris strokes PJ’s hair and keeps him tightly against him.

PJ breaks away returning to the position he was in before. Chris feels even emptier than normal until PJ runs the tips of two of his fingers over his hips around his cuts. The hips Chris only just realized are exposed. PJ then puts his whole hand around his arm, just below his three most recent cuts. PJ lifts Chris’s arm up and slightly lowers himself. He gently presses a singular kiss to the area above his cuts. Chris feels an emotion. An emotion he hadn’t felt for months. Hope. PJ carefully puts Chris’s arm back towards the ground and faces him.

'Why, Chris?’ Chris deliberates between lying or telling the truth. Chris looks into the green eyes of his friend. The friend he fell in love with. He decides that he deserves to know.  
'I had too many secrets to keep.’ PJ looks confused, his eyebrows creasing in a way that Chris adores. 'It was too much. I started drinking and then it got worse. I haven’t even drank today…’ Chris feels himself trailing off. 'It’s just… everything was too much. Life. Money. Friends. Family’ Chris looks at a tile on the bathroom floor as he whispers out the next word. 'Love’ He looks back up at PJ. PJ who no longer looks confused. PJ who looks destroyed. PJ who would be the only person in the entire world, to look elegant in his messy destruction. 'I couldn’t feel anything because I felt too much’. Chris carries on looking into PJ’s green eyes. Green reminding him of nature and summer and laughter and just love. The green surrounded by the red that tears have put there. Chris never felt safer than when he was with PJ. PJ needs to know. 'I love you Peej.’ Chris whispers delicately.

'What?’ Chris laughs internally at how PJ sounds surprised. Externally, he puts his gaze back to the floor

'I love you PJ. I can’t stop loving you. It’s pointless but I love you. You don’t love me but I love you’. Chris laughs 'It’s tragic really, actually it’s kind of-’

Chris is interrupted by PJ’s lips on his. After a moment of surprise, Chris kisses back. Chris feels all the hope, all the happiness, every positive thing that has been evading him, come back at once. Chris runs his hands through PJ’s curly soft hair. He can taste sugar in PJ’s mouth as their tongues twist together. PJ scratches his nails on the back of Chris’s neck by accident. Chris pleasurably growls. He lightly pulls on PJ’s hair and enjoys a soft moaning response. He is starting to feel a not so soft response somewhere else. That’s when he tastes it.

His own blood.

Chris pushes PJ away. PJ’s hurt registering on his face before anything else does.

'It’s not you Peej. You have my blood on you. I forgot…’ Chris wraps his arms around himself.

'You forgot what?’ PJ asks, putting his hand on Chris’s knee, not wanting to let him go.

'I forgot that I wasn’t okay. It’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t feel like you have to do that.’ Chris swears that he sees PJ go pale.

'You think I did that because I felt like I had to?’ PJ says angrily. Chris moves his legs up and pulls himself into a ball. He slowly nods. 'Chris…’ Chris puts his head down onto his knees.

'What? It’s true. You don’t love me.You can’t love me-’

'Of course I fucking love you Chris’ PJ nearly shouts. Chris looks up. 'I thought you knew that. I thought that was why you weren’t calling me like you used to. Because you fucking hated me-’

'I could never-’ Chris tries to interject.

'Let me finish.’ PJ shouts. Chris nods wincing at the noise. ’ Oh, I’m sorry’ PJ says in a softer tone. Chris doesn’t respond, he just carries on looking at PJ. 'I shouldn’t have shouted then. I’m sorry but Chris… Chris I do love you. I think you’re funny, and sweet. I think you’re beautiful. I love it when you laugh, even more when you giggle. I think you are so worth loving and that’s why I never told you. But I wish I had. Because if I had, this might not have ever happened. You are loved Chris’ PJ leans forward and caresses Chris’s face. He presses a gentle kiss onto Chris’s forehead. 'You should have never felt like you had to cut yourself.’ He goes to pull away but Chris quickly puts a kiss onto his lips.

'I love you’ Chris whispers.

'I love you too’ PJ whispers back.  
………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................................................................

Dan and Phil get to the apartment a couple of hours after PJ did. They had both decided to let PJ see Chris first. They stuck around PJ’s apartment to try and find a spare key to lock it with. They then killed some time at Dan’s place, simply talking like the night before. Giving PJ some time, Phil texted him and received a simple. 'At Chris’s.’ in response. Seeing as they hadn’t had another message they figured that it was going well.

Phil put the key in the lock and twisted almost two hours after texting PJ. Dan and Phil had got so caught up in conversing that they hadn’t realized the time and had to rush to Chris’s. Dan walks into the apartment and Phil follows. The flat is completely silent. Phil grabs Dan’s hand, needing the support. They systematically check room to room for Chris or PJ. Phil points out a full bottle on the ground of the bathroom. Dan spots that the shower has recently been used and that the floor near the bathtub is wet. Phil finds bloody tissues in the bin and panics. Dan has to hold him whilst he calms down. They then speed through the apartment, looking Chris. Dan is starting to become as panicked as Phil. Then they walk into the bedroom.

Chris and PJ are under the white covers on the double bed. Both of them have damp curls and both of them are fast asleep. They are wrapped around each other. Chris’s chin is resting on top of PJ’s head. They look completely content.

Phil looks surprised but smiles. Dan puts his hand around Phil’s and pulls him out of the bedroom. Phil quietly closes the door.

'Well I can honestly say that I didn’t expect that’ Phil is still smiling. 'It’s good, they’ll be able to help each other’ Dan smiles at the happy look on Phil’s face. He hasn’t seen it that many times due to circumstances. He’d like to see it more. Dan doesn’t let do of Phil’s hand as they start to move away from the bedroom.

'Phil?’ Dan quietly questions.

'Yes’

'What do you say that we clean up that bathroom for PJ and Chris, leave them a note and then go see a movie?’ The smile on Phil’s face grows, Phil quickly maneuvers himself so that he is facing Dan.

'I wouldn’t say anything. I’d ask if it was a date?’

'And if it was a date?’

'Then I’d kiss you, and we’d do exactly what you said.’

'Phil, Would you like to go on a date with me?’

Phil leans forward and kisses Dan chastely on the lips. He quickly pulls back.

'Yes, I would like to go on a date with you’ Phil smiles as he kisses Dan again.

Dan smiles as he kisses back.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive Criticism appreciated, Thank you for reading. I also own nothing and no one! xx


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